"I don't wanna go to school!"

I dunno what was wrong with me today. I woke up like usual, but as I was brushing my teeth, I suddenly really felt like not going to school. I dunno what spurred it, but i suddenly really did not want to go to school. I walked into my sister's room and I asked her what I should do. But she was just like "If you don't wanna go to school then don't go to school". So I went to my mum's room and asked her if I could stay at home. She said "Don't go to school if you don't want to be don't come crying to me if you can't keep up at school"

For some reason, I felt really confused. Usually, I can just ask to not go to school and when they approve, just go striahgt back to bed. But today, I felt really confused. I couldn't decide on whether or not I should stay at home. And I know it was stupid of me but I just suddenly started crying because I just couldn't decide.

I went back into my mum's room and suddenly, when she came out of the toilet, I found myself bursting into tears and couldn't stop. It was like the dams burst. I just have a mental breakdown.

Now...I can assure you that it's not entirely because of what has been happening between my friends. Although, I can't lie, a little part of it was because I didn't wanna face the music. But as for what the actual reason for crying like there was no tomorrow, I seriously can't say why.

I think it this feeling has been building up ever since yr 11 started. With all this homework being thrust upon me, I felt so overwhelmed. I just couldn't organise everything and I was all over the place. But I pushed it aside and ignored it, not really confronting the actual problem and sitting down and trying to figure it out. The school problems just kept mounting. And then, the final straw came with this friend issue. Which eventually just tipped the whole mountain and caused me to have a mental breakdown.

I dunno, my heart just really hurt.

That's what I think happened, but I am not entirely sure myself. I think it has also got to do with my lack of sleep as well.

I've manage to do quite a bit of homework. And I'm planning to finish the rest of the chapter summaries before i begin to make notes for the english test. I'm just gonna take things slow. And hopefully, get a chance to just sit down and sort out my problems.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

~Aurora

My hectic family life

hey lovelys!

I was thinking during english one day while we were trying to make this really complicated family tree for the characters in the book, that maybe I should do one for my own family. Albeit, it will be a lot bigger and much more complicated, but it gives me a challenge and maybe, along the way like the narrator in the story, I will find out a little bit more about my family.

Also, I was thinking of writing posts about my bitchy, hectic family life to maybe let you guys in on my hectic, crazy life.

What do you guys think? Is it too personal?? Maybe I could change the names of the people in my story. Would that make it better? Or would it still be too personal?

Give me your opinions people!

~Aurora

The things I like, love, did and hate :P

Lucy tagged me in her blog Abracadabra, wow!. The task is to fill in 12 likes, 1 love, 1 thing you did today and 8 hates. Haha...i'm really bad at these kinds of things but here goes nothing:

I like:
- forgetting the rest of the world and just singing my heart out
- listening to music that makes me smile
- hanging out with my friends :)
- watching dramas/reality tv shows
- watching something that moves my heart
- taking beautiful photos
- smiling
- sitting in a peaceful place, just contemplating
- being with my family
- getting immersed in an excellent story that leaves me craving for more
- laughing till I get stitches but can't stop
- seeing everyone around me happy

I love my family and friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin

Today, I visited my baby cousin, Victoria who is currently sick after having a seizure. I sincerely hope that she gets better soon. It hurts me to see her feeling pain.

I hate:
- hot and sticky days
- homework
- when people fight
- when someone close to me gets sick and I cannot help them
- being so tired all the time
- being so self-conscious all the time
- bad days
- not being able to seize every oppotunity that comes my way

Haha...i don't have many friends so I can't really tag many people. So i'll probably end up tagging people that have probably already done it. But meh :P

I tag: Jo March, Jenny and Michelle

Year 11

Sigh...I'm gonna write a post about Year 11 just like lucy did.

My lord, when i first returned to school, what I expected was nothing to what was to come for me.

Year 11 has only just begun but I'm already seriously beginning to doubt my ability to cope with everything that is being thrown in my face. And the teachers say that this is just the beginning and that the work will just begin to pile up as the weeks pass by. I am in for one crazy whirlwind year and I am NOT looking forward to it.

I am seriously freaking out and stressing! Not to that point of physically showing signs of stress but to the point where inside I just feel as if I have no life. I'm serious, like what Lucy said, which I totally agree, the ONLY time I can truly come up for a bit of fresh air is during recess and lunch and even then, it's not enough for me.

It kills me to know that not only do I have to balance all this school work but I also have to add my tutoring homework to the pile. And let me just tell you all, I am no good juggler. Need I say more?

I'm trying to take this all into stride. Trying to see the positive but seriously, I'm beginning to doubt that there is anything positive. My life now only seems to consist of going to school, coming home and working and then bed time and then the day starts all over again. There just seems as if there is no spare time for myself anymore. I am just about sure I can through leisure time out the window, there seems to be no time for it at all.

I went to the doctors today because I needed to find out how my blood test went. My doctor said it was fine and that I probably felt tired all the time because I'm skinny, I need more exercise and I need to sleep more. While she was saying that, I was thinking in my head Where am I going to find the time to exercise, let alone sleep more? I barely have enough time to do all my homework on time.

Sigh...in the holidays I saw all these good tv shows that were going to come out after the tennis and I was so excited about them all. I was like "I'm so gonna watch that!" But now...I think I might have to cut that out of my life as well.

Soon, life for me will only consist of one thing and one thing only: Work!

What a sad, sad life that will be. I feel so depressed just thinking about it.

Alright, I'm done ranting. Time to get back to my work. At least a little later I can snuggle up in bed and read a book....even if it is the book I'm reading for english...

~Aurora