I hate to admit it, but I have been hiding from reality for a very long time now. With label of "Year 12" and "seniors" comes the responsibilities and never ending tasks which have to be completed. And honestly, I don't think I can handle such responsibilities. And so, I do take the easy, naive way out: I ignore reality. Like the picture above, I just cover my eyes and pretend that all the responsibilities that are before me are not mine, they are imaginary figures of my imagination that belong to someone else. I know it's the coward's way out but when I think of trying to accept reality and coping with it, I feel enclosed, scared and alone.
It seems hard to believe that all of your high school life is about to end, you are stepping into the deep dark ends of the tunnel and while you know that at the end of the tunnel will be the light, the bright, wonderful future, you just can't seem to move towards it. You want to take it one step at a time, at your own pace, yet time won't allow you to do so. It speeds itself up and expects you to keep up or fall behind into a dark, deep pit with no way out. You dream of the end, wish so dearly for it all to end so that you can experience the relief and joy of the light, the end experience but you know that in order to do that, you must go through the daunting tunnel.
That, my friends, is exactly how I feel right now. And currently, I am trekking those dark steps into the unknown and it's freaking me out! I wish to turn around and go back to the past, if only to ensure I know where I am going and what I am doing but I know that that is not possible and I must endure the daunting task ahead of me.
I'm just hoping that once I past the acceptance stage (which I now have; I was in denial before ;P), things will start to clear out for me. Maybe the dark tunnel, while it will still be dark and unpredictable, will contain a tiny torch or headlight so that I won't be so scared and confused on my journey ahead.
Just one more exam to go! One more and then I'll be able to take some time for myself, to organise my thoughts, spend some time with myself and get myself in order for the task ahead.
~Aurora
