Falling in love

Hello hello! It's been a while once again. Hehe...I must admit, I'm not very committed to this blog. But I felt a need to talk about something today...so here I am!


LOVE. I've read about, watched it, dreamed about it and thought about it. It's always been a fantasy of mine: the happiness, the heartbreak, the complication. I know about it all....well, in theory anyways. But well...I've never ever thought it would ever happen to me. To others, of course! But to myself...not really. And then suddenly...


BAM! 


I'm in a situation where there is someone I like who likes me back and I'm beginning to experience things that I've only ever read/watch/dreamed about. And honestly, I thought it would be thrilling and fun and and and well...romantic. But all I feel right now is confused and in turmoil. 

I mean sure, I feel the lightheadedness you get when you feel in love; the rapidly beating heart; the blush; the warmth; the joy...and the list goes on. And it's a wonderful feeling, don't get me wrong. I've never felt anything like it before and I really do like him so much. But at the same time I feel the sadness; the jealousy; the confusion and the overthinking mind that all girls get. Trust me, I've read so many romance stories and watched so many romance films to recognise it. And I hate it! I don't want to be that overly jealous girl who is so selfish that she won't even let the guy she likes so much as talk to another girl. I can't remember how many times I have sat angry in front of the computer/tv when reading/watching a romantic story/film, thinking how stupid and selfish the girl is. And yet, here I am, feeling those feelings. I hate that I feel so out of control. One minute I'm on cloud nine, the next minute I'm feeling upset. It's so crazy!


Sigh....hopefully I'll be able to sort out what I'm feeling and just...well, let it flow and hope for the best. 


¬Aurora

Hiding from reality

I hate to admit it, but I have been hiding from reality for a very long time now. With label of "Year 12" and "seniors" comes the responsibilities and never ending tasks which have to be completed. And honestly, I don't think I can handle such responsibilities. And so, I do take the easy, naive way out: I ignore reality. Like the picture above, I just cover my eyes and pretend that all the responsibilities that are before me are not mine, they are imaginary figures of my imagination that belong to someone else. I know it's the coward's way out but when I think of trying to accept reality and coping with it, I feel enclosed, scared and alone.

It seems hard to believe that all of your high school life is about to end, you are stepping into the deep dark ends of the tunnel and while you know that at the end of the tunnel will be the light, the bright, wonderful future, you just can't seem to move towards it. You want to take it one step at a time, at your own pace, yet time won't allow you to do so. It speeds itself up and expects you to keep up or fall behind into a dark, deep pit with no way out. You dream of the end, wish so dearly for it all to end so that you can experience the relief and joy of the light, the end experience but you know that in order to do that, you must go through the daunting tunnel.

That, my friends, is exactly how I feel right now. And currently, I am trekking those dark steps into the unknown and it's freaking me out! I wish to turn around and go back to the past, if only to ensure I know where I am going and what I am doing but I know that that is not possible and I must endure the daunting task ahead of me.

I'm just hoping that once I past the acceptance stage (which I now have; I was in denial before ;P), things will start to clear out for me. Maybe the dark tunnel, while it will still be dark and unpredictable, will contain a tiny torch or headlight so that I won't be so scared and confused on my journey ahead.

Just one more exam to go! One more and then I'll be able to take some time for myself, to organise my thoughts, spend some time with myself and get myself in order for the task ahead.

~Aurora

Inspirational music

Hey guys,

keke..it's definitely been a very long time since I last posted on this blog. But I dunno, I just suddenly felt like sharing something with you guys ^^

I have been feeling down lately about life in general. Getting caught up with all that's going on in my life: HSC, friends, family etc. I just felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like my life was crumbling from beneath me and I just couldn't get a grasp on anything to steady myself. And yeah, my heart so much and I just couldn't help crying.

And that's when I found it: Inspirational music. I mean, I've always loved listening to it because of it's calming nature but I never realised how inspirational it really was until yesterday. After listening to a couple, I honestly felt so relaxed and calm. So I felt like sharing one with you, so if you ever feel like your world is falling apart and you need something to calm yourself down or just to help you forget your troubles if only for a few minutes, maybe this can help.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzTbo1XQfvE&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Anyways, I'm gonna take a little break before heading back to study. Have a lovely long weekend ^^

~Aurora

Guys

Hmm..how to start discussing this topic.

Well, recently I have made a few guy friends, which is pretty significant for me since I go to an all girls school and barely have any contact with guys, not to mention I am way to shy to even talk to one. Okay, so when I said a few guys, I actually only meant 2 - one which is a little messed up in the head and annoys me to no end and one that is genuinely nice and that I have become quite close to. But that's not the point I want to discuss today. The actual thing that I wanna talk about is whether us girls change because of our contact with guys. Because the thing is, I've had a number of friends, and I'm not saying this happens to all girls, but I have had a number of friends who have changed so much because of their contact with guys, whether it be being just friends with them or actually dating them.

I had one particular friend who I had been really close to but then once they went out with a group of people, boys included, and actually got a boyfriend, her attitude totally changed. Even her style of clothing has changed. And now, I barely talk to her anymore. It's like I don't know her anymore, I don't even know what to say to her anymore.

And this leads me to ask: why is it that when some girls hang out with guys, they change so much? If they don't change, they spend so much time with their guy friends that they tend to forget their girl friends who have stuck by them for so long. What happened to chicks before dicks? And does this happen all the time? Do girls always change after they hang out with guys or date guys or is it just some? And how can you resist such changes and still be able to have close relationships with both?

Haha, I know that I just blurted out a whole lot of questions. But it's been bugging me for a while and I thought I would post it up.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against guy friends. In fact, I actually think it's pretty cool. Hanging around guys rather than girls, you can get such a different perspective of things. And most guys are so laid back, unlike girls who always tend to overthink things. I just want to know how you can balance girl and guy friends so that you don't have to disregard either one in order to hang out with one.

Hmm...I wonder if I have changed because of my friendship with guys. I certainly hope not.

So yeah, if anyone has any answers or any opinions, post a comment coz I would love to hear others' thoughts on the matter :)

~Aurora

Stressing!!

This is exactly how I am feeling right now. Exams are only a week away and I feel so unprepared. I dunno how I am going to cope with this. :(:(
I have to work extra hard around this week!
I wish everyone the best of luck. Let's work hard to get amazing results :)

~Aurora

I feel like I am suffocating...I can't breathe and while I want to wake myself up from this nightmare, I can only continue through the maze, unsure of what is to come

Don't wanna fall asleep

As I sit in front of the computer, the clock nearly reaching midnight, I can't help but not want to go to bed. I know that I should go to sleep, so that I can start the new day fresh and alive, ready to tackle whatever lies ahead. But that's exactly why I don't want to go to sleep. The school term is ending and soon it'll be the holidays and yet there is a part of me that's not entirely excited about it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would rather have the holidays that stay at school working. But I don't feel as excited as I normally do, despite dreaming about all the wonderful things that I could do in holidays.

I'm honestly very very tired. These past few days, I have done nothing but take naps only to wake up feeling grouchy and still very very tired. Don't you just hate that feeling you get after having a nap and having to wake up and do stuff when all you want to do is stay in bed and sleep more?

I went out to see the Christmas lights with my sisters tonight. It was lovely as usual. But it didn't give me the same satisfaction and delight of the joys of Christmas like it usually does. I'm very strange actually. There have been times when I've got so hyped up about Christmas, getting into the Christmas spirit as I listened to Christmas songs. And yet, there have also been times when I've felt absolutely nothing. It's like hot and cold.

I dunno what's wrong with me. But one things for sure: I'm truly looking forward to days where I can sleep in without having to be woken up by an alarm; Lazying around the house, not having to worry about work or feel guilty about procrastinating; and hanging out with my family and friends, enjoying each other's company and sharing happy and memorable moments.

There is also one thing that I am sure dreading: where I am going to get all the money to supply all the outings that I wish I could go to!?

Haha...hopefully when holidays hit, I shall be back to my cheerful and happy self.

For now...I shall have to go to sleep :(

~Aurora