Suffocating

Yes, you heard right. Suffocating. That is how I am feeling right now. I just completed 4 maths exercises. Quite a feat don't you thing?  But rather than feel joyous and satisfied, I feel...it's hard to explain. I'm trying to get the right words. I feel downtrodden? confused? unsatisfied? I just...you know how after you complete a small part of your goal, you would feel like your shoulders are a little lighter because some of the load has been taken off? Well, rather than that, the load just feels the same, still daunting and weighing me down. The homework I just completed can be compared to a feather which has been lifted off my should, as opposed to the tonne of bricks still resting on it. Yep, it does come down to nothing.

I just. I don't know how to handle all the stuff that is being thrown at me. I may have finished my maths homework, but it's only just the beginning. I still have to study for my economics quiz that's tomorrow, write notes for economics, do my tutoring and a whole heap of other stuff. The load just never seems to end.

I said that I would definitely take some time, every now and then, to have a little breather. Because, without it, I think I would go insane. But I just don't seem to have the time.

As cliche as it sounds, there seems to be something weighing down on my heart and it hurts. I want to be carefree, I wanna actually be able to take all of this under my stride and still be able to keep smiling and have fun. But it really just seems so impossible.

I look at my sister who is currently doing her HSC and I look at myself. I can't help but compare. She's so carefree, albeit, slightly crazy in the head (side effects of the HSC) but she doesn't seem stressed at all. And then I compare that to me, who is stressed as hell, just doing HOMEWORK! I mean, how does that even make sense? It seems like I'm the one doing the HSC, not my sister.

If I wanted to use another analogy to describe my situation, it would probably be the fact that I'm running a never ending marathon. Everytime I think I see the finish line (which in this case would symbolise my freedom and my HW-freeness), I encounter another obstacle and the goal just seems to extend that much further away from me.

I wish I could stop complaining all the time on this blog and actually post up some happy stuff. But it just doesn't seem to happening any time soon.

I wish you guys all the best of luck in whatever you guys are doing.

~Aurora