Scarlet

I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Scarlet didn't sit with us today. I should feel happy because it has been awkward with her and now that she is gone, i don't have to worry about what is happening, what will happen. But I should feel sad because this could be a sign that i lost my friendship with her.

I feel like crying once again. You know, a while back before Scarlet was in the picture, i had begun to feel as if everything was going back to normal...well, as normal as it can be without Raeanne. And then Scarlet came...and everything became so messed up again. I didn't know what to do or how to act around Scarlet. But now that she is gone, i feel torn. On one hand, and i know this is cruel, but i feel relieved, relieved that I don't have to deal with this problem (although i know it's still hanging in the air). On the other hand, i feel as if i have betrayed Scarlet. She trusted me, turned to me when she was vulnerable, confided in me...even if it wasn't about her actual problem and all i did was avoid her. What kind of friend does that?

I know i should confront her. I should at least talk to her. But i'm so scared. I don't think you guys understand, but when something around me happens, i tend to get affected by it and most of the time, it causes me to feel very upset.

I feel like such a bad friend. I abandoned her when she needed me most. I did nothing to help her. I just..don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to end up like all the other broken friendships i ended up having. She isn't the closest person to me, hell, we don't really talk about personal stuff (I didn't even realised how close she was to her friends!) but she is still a good friend of mine and i don't want to lose what we have. But how the hell am i suppose to fix something like this when i can't even approach her, let alone talk to her.

~Aurora