Well, I've sort of stuck to what i vowed to do yesturday. Downloaded some songs, watch some episodes of the drama i was currently watching, did my jap homework, did some maths homework catch uping, did my tutoring maths homework and played games. Wow..listing it out, it sounds like quite a mouthful!

Haha..when i was thinking over what i had written yesturday, i sorta realised that i may have used the excuse of not finishing my dramas as an excuse to watch them. hahahaha...but seriously, i really do think i have an issue with doing something and never being able to finish it. It is really frustrating really.

Good news people! I haven't been thinking any bad thoughts all day! Aside from being a little pissed off at my mum for nagging on and on about crap, i've been relatively happy all day! Thinking about it right now makes me smile.

I'm not gonna say i'm healing, because i don't know that for sure, plus, last time i said that it wasn't true.

I'm gonna work hard from now on. Healing is a long, hard and tiring process that consists of opening wounds in the heart and slowly repairing them up, stitch by stitch. It's gonna be tough and the wounds may come unloose every now and then, but over time, step by step, I believe i'll be able to overcome it. I was talking to my sister today, while randomly making fruit juice (my sister's idea). She was telling me about how she's been depressed as well. And I know there have been obvious signs from everyone, but i finally came to terms with the fact that there are people out there who are probably going through the same thing that i am going through, even if it isn't the same situation or the same problem.

We all search for that someone who we can talk to, who will be able to tell us what we yearn to hear, that even, we, ourselves don't know what is. And yeah...the only person i can truly rely on to give me the cold hard truth while being able to softly guide me to the light, is myself. Whether i hate it or love it or harbour feelings in between, it will be there for me whether i like it or not. I might as well learn to live with it, try to understand it and let it guide me and heal me. Because who better to understand me, than myself.

I used to feel really heavy. You know that saying: your body feels like lead. Well, that's what my body felt like, even when i was leaning on something, my arms felt so heavy. But now, it feels lighter. I feel better. And that's a change that i want to EMBRACE ;)

To all those people who are also feeling down, lost, insecure..anything really. While your heart yearns for someone who understands you and who has the answers to all your problems, realise that in most cases, there will be no one out there to help you like that. The cold truth is, the only person you can really rely on to help you is, yourself. So don't fight it, take it into stride, let it guide you because i believe, if there is anyone who can help you in sheding the darkness and guiding you into the light, it is yourself. So stay strong, fight whatever stands in your way and reach what your heart, body and soul desires.

~Aurora