The Pains of Life

urgh...while i should be studying for english, i just really can't be bothered!

So i shall tell you about my latest worries: the future.

I know i've been talking about not worrying too much about the future and how we are still young and everything. But i am really confused as to where to go in my life. Everyone's been trying to decide what subjects they want to pick for yr 11 and what they are going in the future, what they are studying for, but i am just stuck. It's like, i do have roads out in front of me, but they all go in different directions and i am just spinning round and round trying to pick one. Urgh..i am getting a headache just thinking about it.

The future looks so far away, yet so close as well. And yea, maybe i don't need to think that far yet, but i still haven't even found a place to do work experience! Yea, i say that it's because i have tests to get out of the way first. But i think that's really just a lame excuse. I think i have the issue of wanting to venture out into the big wide world but not wanting to leave my comfort zone that i have built around myself. It is really frustrating!

I have also become really lazy. I don't know when it started but all of a sudden, i can hardly concentrate on my homework, let alone my test and it's really bugging me. I know that yr 10 isn't that big a deal and that the real deal starts in yr 11. But i also don't want to fail, EVER! And yea, i'm not going to fail if i get lazy but i do get angry at myself when i don't try my best and i know that i could've done better. And yet, knowing all of this, i still haven't learnt my lesson an broken out of that habit.

Sometimes, i just sit around thinking about life. And i think back to my past and all that i have achieved and i can only get pissed off at what a failure i was. I have done nothing so far that i have been able to say: "Give yourself a pat on the back! That was a job well done." All i can say is: "Well..at least you survived" or "God, you're so useless!". It's terrifying to know that it's been quite a while since i popped into this strange world and yet i've done nothing worth mentioning.

On Saturday in English tutoring, we were reading this poem and it was talking about how there is this boy who entered this world, gone into this commercialised world, worried about his image and so forth, only to die with nothing. It's like saying that whatever happens in life will be worth nothing once you are dead anyways, so there is not point worrying about small things. And in a way, that is totally true. However, i do want to make a different, even if it is something tiny. Yet it is something i have yet to achieve.

Ergh..this is so damn confusing.

Stuff this! I have a freaken english test to study for! Not to mention Master Chef is starting soon :D I am so naughty!

Lol. Until next time :P

~Aurora