Hey,
I feel so tired of life. My days drag by and i feel as if i achieve nothing as each day passes. It's like a never ending drill: wake up, go to school, come home, do homework/ procrastinate, go to sleep. I find myself losing the motivation i once had and in some way, i feel as if i am giving up on life. The fire i once had in my eye, simmers and with a single blow, i think it could be out.
I hate that i feel this way. I've lost the energy to do stuff and i find myself, most of the time, staring off into space with a stoned face. The smile i once had disappeared long before and i can't find it anymore.
I thought that i was happy at school, that i felt genuinely delighted. But i continuely question it time and time again. I mean, if i was genuinely happy, wouldn't i feel happy at home as well? But that isn't the case. All i feel at home is tired, stressed and lazy. And no, it isn't because of the problems i have at home.
I'm losing myself. To who? None other than myself. Darkness clouds my eyes and i just can't seem to reach the light behind it. My horoscope said, a few days ago, that i should embrace something great that would happen to me...something like that. And i actually thought that what i was embracing was the sheer happiness i felt at school. Yet, there is always a nagging voice at the back of my head that questions whether it is actually genuine or just a fascade, and i begin to second doubt myself.
I realise that i have to take the time to understand myself, redefine who i am, what i like. But it's not as easy as it sounds, it's not as if i will find the answers by just doing things that i have always thought i liked and then an answer pops up in my mind, telling me that i like it or that i don't like it.
I just don't know.
~Aurora
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Hey Aurora,
I know how you feel- I really do. You said that you find yourself staring into space with a stoned face, that you feel tired, stressed and unmotivated at home. That's me too. Like you said we're at different ends of the spectrum because we're both facing different problems, but it doesn't me you're alone in feeling this...
Motivation is something that comes and goes, Aurora. The thing is you first have to find it- how? That is up to you. Like you said to me, horoscopes are like a guide to life- they can guide and lead you- but it is just how you interpret it that changes and determines the way you live your life. So your horoscope told you to embrace something- embrace what you constantly ask yourself, am I right? I tell you, Vivs, go embrace something you love, whether it be something you love doing, feeling, some place you love visiting- anything. As long as it makes you happy, fulfilled and motivated it is worth doing, taking on and embracing. Now, neither I nor anyone in the group can tell you what that exact thing, or things, is- so it is up to you to find it. It might take one day, it might take two, it might take a week, hell it might even take a month. But as long as you take the time to find it, then you will in time [find it]. It is a matter of perspective and optimism, hope and determination to find IT.
And what is IT? Like said, find it and embrace it. Take time to reflect, and those negative thoughts at the back of your mind? I read in Eat Love Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert (I SWEAR YOU HAVE TO READ THAT BOOK!!!) it said that you first have to control yor thoughts. Sounds hard, doesn't it? Well it is. But that doesn't mean YOU can't do it, Vivs! The book said to control your thoughts by first admitting to their existence and understanding where and why they came. The you dismiss them. You harbor your thoughts- you create a new YOU whereby only certain good (and by this I mean optimistic, hopeful and motivating thoughts} can come in. You tell those thoughts where to go- send them back out into that sea because the new president of Vivien land has made new laws in which to keep the tranquility that has newly settled, over the war that had been ranging a few months ago.
I probably sound really weird, don't I? Well, what I'm trying to say is, admit these negative thoughts then dismiss them. It's going to be hard but it's how you'll control them.
I hope I've helped Viv. If you ever need someone to talk to, please call me. We're all here for you. You can do it.
Love, Lucy
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