Tired

Hey all that are reading,

Tired? So am I. Physically, mentally and emotionally. As a combo, it's not a very good thing, especially for my body. I use this blog as a way of communicating myself, expressing how i feel and in a way, i suppose it does help. But i think i need more than just this. It's not as if one day, this blog would suddenly starting talking back to me. No. I need someone. Someone to talk to. And as sappy and cliched as it sounds, i need my knight in shining armour. It doesn't have to be a guy and it is definately not hinting that i want a boyfriend. I just...really need someone to talk to. I know i can rely on my friends to just listen and everything, even if it is online. But i know that i need more than just listening. I need advice, shouting at, even crying at, to know that someone cares about what is going on in my life right now. I know that they care about me, i really do. But as selfish as this sounds, I just really want someone to sympathise/empathise with me. To actually show that they care physically. I hate having to act that everything is ok when really, it really isn't that okay. Sure I only feel sad at night, but i still need reassurance in the morning.

I just wish...wish that someone could help me. Someone could understand me, know what i am going through and help me because i really feel as if i am dying inside. I want to scream, to beg for someone to help me, to save me from this pain. And i know it sounds really melodramatic and i probably am being dramatic, but i just really need someone to help me.

But when i say reassurance, i don't want the kind that will say that everything will be alright over time and to just keep my spirits high and all. Neither do i want the cold harsh reality that i have to face this alone. I want the reassurance that they'll be there every step of the way, through good times and bad times, through thick and thin. It's a hell of a lot to ask for, which is probably why i haven't found my saviour yet.

What should i do? I really thought i was getting there. I thought it was going to make it to that bright, white exit door, out of this dark creepy place. But i'm back to step 1. It took me so long to get to where i was. How can i live like this?

~Aurora