Surprisingly, no, my heart does not yearn for a boyfriend...
Fine fine, maybe it does...just a little bit. But it's not the thing i yearn most for right now.
For me, right now, i yearn for a best friend.
Now..i must admit, i haven't had the best experience with best friends but for some reason, i really want...no...need one.
Currently, i feel so lost. My heart really really hurts, yet, i don't know what it is that i am so upset about.
But no, i don't need a best friend to figure out what it is that is making my heart hurt so bad because, if i don't understand what it is, how am i suppose to expect others to know what it is?
No, i want a best friend because i NEED someone who can be there for me whenever i need them, who knows when i am feeling down and knows exactly what to do to make me feel better. Someone who understands me, who understands what is going on behind the wall i put up to people. Someone who i am able to trust and know won't abuse that trust. Someone who is blunt to me, who tells me not what i want to hear, but what i need to hear, whether it be good or bad. Someone i can hug without any reluctance, can make me smile and laugh and just brings out the side of me that has been lost to me for a while now.
I know, i know. It is a lot to ask for and i am not expecting some kind of miracle and suddenly, that person appears right in front of me. But it would be so great if there was really a person out there for me.
I'm really hurting inside and i really want someone to talk to. But i don't even know what exactly it is that i need to get off my chest. Even when talking to my closest friends, i feel as if i am holding back from them.
I must admit, i do trust pretty easily and sometimes, this can be a real downfall. Sometimes, it is because of my easy trust that i am so easily used. But there are times when it is not because they abuse my trust that i get hurt. No, sometimes, it is because of the fact that i put my trust in them and it seems as if they understand and they, for a while, are there for me and delicately help me put myself back together but after doing so, they begin to forget about me. Which i know is really selfish of me, because i know that i shouldn't be their main priority, but it seems as if i am discarded after being helped and all over again, i am broken. And they can't seem to see that i am not fully healed as they thought i was.
I just feel so alone in this big wide world. I'm frightened.
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2 comments:
hey viv. long time no see.
trust me, i've always wanted a best friend who i can trust and everything. and so far, it hasn't happened to me yet.
what i do is to tell different people about the different sections of my life. Like there are some things which I don't tell others, but i tell (eg) Vanessa. Like u get it?
And its annoying sometimes. But thats life.
You can always talk to me. But maybe I'm not the right person idk.
Youknow, earlier this year or something, I asked lucy who in the group do you think will get married first. And she said YOU!! haha isn't that nice to hear?? =D
Yes I did. :)
You know Vivs, even though I don't believe in ranking friends, I think there's still an element in me sometimes that wishes I had one- like you said, someone whom I can rely on, and trust and call ANYTIME in the day whenever I just want to talk. You know?
But, yes, like Mich said life is never like that. We all have friends whom we tell different things to. That's what makes life interesting- the different people you meet and the different personalities they all have. It's special. :)
Vivs, whenever you need to talk, just call me or anyone of us. You know that we're always here for you right? And although I'm not a good advice-giverer (:P) always know that if you just need someone to listen, and to say mm-hmm at the right intervals (lol) just call me. I don't care if it's 2:28am, if you need someone to talk to, or listen, just call. You know the numbers! :)
Nighty, night Babies (quoting Jacks :P)
Annabelle
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